and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
