i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize