id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
