the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
