Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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