Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
