i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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