Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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