my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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