my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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