The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
