dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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