I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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