Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
