That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
