Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
