i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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