I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
