Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize