Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
