Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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