I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
