Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
