I'm gonna have a badass scar
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
