you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
