Yo dont text me then not text me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
