They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
