Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
