I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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