Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
