I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
