We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Your cock deserves a montage
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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