Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
