if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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