It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
