I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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