she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
