If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize