My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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