Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
