Soap is not a condiment
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
