Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
