Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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