This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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