I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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