Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
