Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
we made out on top of his cat.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
