I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
