New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
