Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize