you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
