i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
