I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
