I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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