I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
