dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
