I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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