we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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