i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
