Who did Billy Mays play for?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
