There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
