you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
