I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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