Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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