Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize