can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
