You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
