what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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