Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize