why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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