Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
