Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
